Starstar Goes Snorkeling
by City Lights In The Night
Summary: Words cannot express how random this fanfiction is. WARNING: May contain badgers.


Starstar sat in the empty camp, rain pouring down. Why, exactly, was he standing in the freezing cold, getting drenched? No idea. But he didn't move. Instead, he let the rain fall down on his face until it thinned out to a fine drizzle. By the time the rain had stopped, he was standing out on a freezing leafbare night. But he didn't care, and instead curled up in the damp soil and fell asleep, snoring as loud as thunder.

Suddenly, Starstar felt something jab his flank with a sharp prodding. He leapt up and turned around, his sharp claws out. Meeting his eyes was CrystalBreath and TinselTongue, looking like they were up to something. "What is your problem?" growled Starstar. Suddenly TinselTongue began to glow with a furious intensity. Sparks danced all along his fur. "Har, har," laughed Starstar, staring at the starry stars afar. "Your magic doesn't frighten me!" Starstar removed his hat, revealing a giant badger on top of his head. "This badger's name is DonkeyLord. You don't want to mess with him!"

Buttnut rushed in, and immediately his eyes flickered to the huge badger looming before them.

"It's Donkeylord!" he screamed, and ran into the trees like a little girl. Starstar pelted in and dusted his shoulders like a movie star in an action movie. Featherheather gasped, and he snorted in response. He flung himself onto the badger, and it immediately crouched down, defeated.

"You are my humble master," he said. "I shall always follow you." Buttnut snickered, and Acornbacon hissed. Starstar sighed and again looked at the badger, who now appeared weak and defeated.

"Fine. I shall make you go and attack our rival Clan, TwizzlerClan." The badger nodded and lumbered away.

Starstar turned to Buttnut and took a deep breath. "I—I don't know how to tell you this," he said, "but I've always been extremely fond of you." His voice cracked and his whiskers quivered. Buttnut scratched at his hind quarters and yawned, emanating tuna-breath at a 3-foot radius. Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light and a poof of white smoke. All of the cats and badgers disappeared. The only thing visible was a tiny white mouse running around in circles on the floor. "Eeeee! EEeeeee!," squeaked the mouse. "EEEEEeeee! Eeeeeee!" The smell of gunpowder lingered in the air.

Boneypony awoke to the sound of Buttnut's girly scream. Readu for attack, he plunged out and leaped at the first cat he saw. Unluckily, that was Starstar. His eyes looked dull, as if he had just been attacked by a grumbling unicorn, and his legs were wobbly.

"You should see Meltedice about that scar running down your side, spewing blood," Boneypony said nonchalantly. As if Starstar had just realized it was there, his eyes widened and he shrieked in pain.

"Meltedice knows a lot about medicine and herbs and stuff," Boneypony commented. Starstar sighed and did a facepaw. "She's the _medicine cat._ Of course she does," and he limped away.

A snow began to fall. A badger scurried by Starstar's path as he made his way back to rest. It was OldCheese. "I hear a war is coming with TwizzlerClan," he growled. "Not good...many badgers lose their furry youth in such follies." Starstar crouched and then swatted OldCheese with his claws, drawing blood. "Foolish old badger!" he screamed. He knew OldCheese spoke the truth but he could not face it yet.

And now the time for farewells had come. The morning sun was just cresting the ridge and the air was filled with birdsong. Starstar looked out over a sea of colorful flags and streaming banners. He had learned many things on this adventure, but most of all he had learned the dangers of bacon. "Farewell, Donkeylord and OldCheese!" shouted Starstar. "Farewell, Buttnut!"

Without further ado Starstar put on his diving mask and slipped into the cool water. As the TwizzlerClan watched from shore, Starstar began to disappear beneath the surface of the water. The TwizzlerClan waved happily until all that was left was a trail of bubbles.


End file.
